A teenage friend of mine recently lost her second daughter at just two weeks old. Such a loss can be catastrophic for a young woman, I know. Wounds too fresh should not be touched, so I waited a little bit to gather my thoughts and inspiration... and I finally mustered up enough peace and will to write her. In addition to my tears, this is what poured out...
But you'll get better at living with it.
For now, I hope you'will get in touch with that grief.
For now, I hope you'will get in touch with that grief.
That pain will be the one thing that will remind you you're still alive,
that you've survived your overwhelming loss.
At this point, I know the emptiness in your gut feels like it's growing.
You may think that its black hole will soon swallow you entirely,
or perhaps that it already has.
That darkness may be your actual womb missing your baby;
a feeling usually replaced when a new mother gets to hold her baby in her arms,
but you and I aren't so lucky.
The best definition of 'forgiveness' I ever heard is "giving up the hope that the past could be any different."
You MUST find a way to eventually forgive [yourself].
"...to give up the hope that the past could have been any different."
In the mean time, feel into the Grief. Get to know it like it's your new best friend, because...well, she is: Grief will be the closest friend at your side for years to come. You'll get to know how to tell her to shut up when you're too busy, and you'll let her spill her guts when you have the time to really listen. Don't ignore her, or she'll blow up at you when you least expect it... but never let Grief become more important than your life. She'll be the best friend you'll want to share secrets with, and listen to sad songs with. No one will understand you like she does (especially not the men in your life, and that's okay.)
So, from my old best friend to your new best friend... I'm so sorry for your loss.
a feeling usually replaced when a new mother gets to hold her baby in her arms,
but you and I aren't so lucky.
The best definition of 'forgiveness' I ever heard is "giving up the hope that the past could be any different."
In our culture, forgiveness is usually something we're expected to give others, when they do us wrong.
But in times of loss like these, who do we blame?
Who has done us wrong?
Yes, "God" seems vindictive, if at all existent.
No one else took her from you, so we all too often end up blaming ourselves.
It's not a valid blame, but still THAT is where the forgiveness MUST be given.
But in times of loss like these, who do we blame?
Who has done us wrong?
Yes, "God" seems vindictive, if at all existent.
No one else took her from you, so we all too often end up blaming ourselves.
It's not a valid blame, but still THAT is where the forgiveness MUST be given.
You MUST find a way to eventually forgive [yourself].
"...to give up the hope that the past could have been any different."
In the mean time, feel into the Grief. Get to know it like it's your new best friend, because...well, she is: Grief will be the closest friend at your side for years to come. You'll get to know how to tell her to shut up when you're too busy, and you'll let her spill her guts when you have the time to really listen. Don't ignore her, or she'll blow up at you when you least expect it... but never let Grief become more important than your life. She'll be the best friend you'll want to share secrets with, and listen to sad songs with. No one will understand you like she does (especially not the men in your life, and that's okay.)
So, from my old best friend to your new best friend... I'm so sorry for your loss.
